Thursday, August 14, 2008

An internal change

I have a friend that has went through a pretty miraculous change the last few years. That friend reads this, so I will not disclose any info because of my respect for that person and their incredible journey... however, I cannot help but look at myself and come to the deepening realization that I am broken.
About 4 years ago I was discharged from the Navy after nearly 8 fantastic years. I had met and worked with some amazing people over those 8 years, from kids right out of high school to the most senior-ranking officers in the military. I found my time to be incredibly blessed, even through the tragedy of Sept 11, 2001 and the death of a child. I learned so many valuable trades and lessons that I have been able to carry on to my professional civilian life. I also learned some very troubling things that have hurt me, but they are very few and I don't buy into those things anymore. My discharge was very troublesome because it was retribution by my Commander, not what was best for my situation. I lost faith in my leadership as they pushed me out the door.
During that time in the military I lived a life that was somewhat 'questionable'. I had relationships that were not healthy, but were more about what I wanted. One of them was what looked to be like a great idea, but may have done damage beyond our reach. I drank, however it was typically social and did not affect my life negatively. Until I moved to St Louis I was not in church on a regular basis. My life had seemed to lost focus.
When we moved to St Louis we were able to find a wonderful church, one that I still support as they need it. Through the extremely premature birth, short life and tragic death of our daughter they were there. Pastor and his family had (and still do) such a profound affect on my life that I named my son after them. We also had some very troubling times as Pastor was accused of actions that were false, the church split, and the vision seemed destroyed. Happily, the church has bounced back wonderfully and is growing weekly. I was also honored to help Pastor build his new house, running all the wiring and many other things that needed done. I even shot him (accidentally with the nail gun in the middle of the night) and can say I am the only one to have ever done that!
Why do I share that with you? Because, like my friend above, I have also been able to find purpose and direction with my relationship with God. I am not as involved in church as I was before, but I am still there and serving as I can. In the midst of the chaos that is my 70 hour work commitment every week, I find peace with God in the middle of that storm. 'Come unto me, all those who are labored, and I will give you peace'.
A great verse, and a great outlook for life.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Just remember Ben, that your relationship with GOD is so much more important than how involved you are able to be in a church. It is wonderful to serve in the body (because we are serving the Lord), but that service should never be our main focus..... our focus should always be on Jesus! I am so happy to hear that God is moving in your life! Hope to see ya soon.
Kim